Long Distance Relationships
Who the hell would want to be in them?
Meet Thboy. Standing at 178cm, he's intellectual, good looking, an eloquent speaker, a burst of energy, a stubborn mule, too good a debator but practically my soulmate.
I've only known him for about a year or so, but it feels as though we've known each other forever. We have the same attitude towards many things. Food, our sense of humor and life in general. We snigger at the same things and we're the most stubborn people on Earth. I never thought I'd get together with such a person till I realized he's someone I've been looking for almost all my life.
But here's the catch. He studies in England. It might not be a big deal for some of you, but to me being apart from a person months at a time for about 3-4 years is no childs' play. The amount of miscommunications that arise and the major time difference sometimes takes a toll on us. The amount of trust that has to be placed in this relationship doubles, too.
So today I'm here to give you my 2 cents worth on how to be in a LDR.
1. Ask yourself: Are you certain this is someone you would wish to spend the next few years (if not, a lifetime) with?
Well if the above picture pretty much sums up your answer, then frankly speaking don't bother.
Being in a LDR requires a lot of patience, time and trust. If you can only foresee yourself being with him/her for the next few months/1 year, then chances are the relationship won't work out. Cut yourself some slack and find someone else worth hanging on to. If you think he/she is worth the blood, sweat and tears you're about to put it with then read on.
2. Don't be an insecure sonofabitch
So there you are going about your daily life, when suddenly a notification from FB pops up "xxx (your boyfr/girlfr) has changed his profile picture"
Your heart stops. Could it be that he/she changed his/her picture to a picture of us? You unlock your iPhone and FB starts loading. You click on the notification. But wait a minute.... He/she changed his/her profile picture to a picture of him/herself. Sonofabitch! Am I not good enough? Do I not look good in any picture that I'm not worthy to be a profile picture?
Sounds a little familiar? Possibly. The usual case of the green monster prying its way through, finding excuses that you aren't good enough or your partner just thinks the worse of you. It happens, yes. To us girls especially. But if you think your emotions need a constant security blanket by your partner, you might want to rethink being in a LDR because, in all honesty, half the time you won't know what your partner's up to.
3. Occupy yourself with other activities
Put Nyan Cat on repeat, do the gangnam style moves in the comfort of your own home, pave your way through a box of cookies (yes I've had my fair share of that) or do the more normal things one would do. Read a book, catch up with some friends, go out shopping, watch an action packed movie with good looking guys (for girls), spend time studying, mapping your future. There are just about a million things you can do to occupy yourself and prevent yourself from over-thinking.
I've had times when I couldn't seem to do anything. I didn't want to do my projects nor did I want to meet my friends. I spent my days in the gym and being in my own bubble thinking about why I had to deal with being in such a relationship. My mind would go into overdrive and it did me no good.
But I've come to the point whereby I've accepted the fact I can't do anything about it. If he's going to be away for months at a time, then I'll have to find a way to cope with the distance.
I decided to focus in school, to plan my time and my future and spent more time at home with my mother, the sole bread maker. Not forgetting my lovely dog which has been keeping me company. It was then that I realized, although he is almost my life, over thinking wouldn't help me nor anyone else. Instead it made me miserable.
4. 'We' vs 'Me' Time
We time - A time when you both sit down by your 13" laptops, load Skype and see the top half of your partner for about 30 mins - 3 hours, talking about your day and wishing he/she were by your side.
Me time - A time you allocate yourself to improve yourself, think about how you can better further your studies and catch up with the news or read a book you've been wanting to read in a quaint little cafe by the river.
There's a time for everything. Thboy and I would Skype daily, and although some of you might think it might be a little too much, we feel that by doing so we become more connected.
But won't you guys get bored of each other?
I'm not saying you've to Skype each other 3 hours a day and go to school with eye bags bigger than your eyes, or whatsapp each other every 5 minutes till the only topic you guys start talking about revolves around the weather and just about anything passing by you. What I'm trying to say is that you need to dedicate time to each other. Making time for your other half shows how much you value the relationship. Making the effort to say 'I love you' every so often and sending random mushy texts make a whole lot of difference.
So basically, all I'm saying what a famous person once said: I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it.
Thboy's been back for about 4 months now, and he's leaving very soon. I'd probably flood the whole of Changi Airport when he leaves but I know we both have the strength to preserve.
Because I know the best things in life are worth fighting for.